I’ve been working with women in leadership for quite some time now—coaching, facilitating, and guiding them on their journeys, using Gallup’s CliftonStrengths tool. In the last year, I noticed one thing that keeps coming up, not just in my conversations with these remarkable women, but also in my own life: self-judgment. And to be honest, I still don’t fully understand how it works. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m writing this because I think it’s important to talk about it openly. Maybe by sharing my experiences, we can have a conversation about something that affects so many of us — whether we talk about it or not.
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Self-judgment is this quiet but relentless voice inside my head.

The Silent Struggle
Self-judgment is this quiet but relentless voice inside my head. The more I notice it, the more I realise that this voice has been there since I can remember. She only now has a name. She’s there when I second-guess my decisions, question my worth, or feel like I’m not measuring up — despite how hard I work (and sometimes I work 7 days a week, for months!). What’s frustrating is that it doesn’t matter how much experience I have or how many people I’ve supported; that voice still shows up, especially when I’m stepping into something new or challenging (like writing this blog post). And I know I’m not alone in this.
The more I talk with other women in leadership, the more I hear echoes of my own self-doubt. Brilliant, capable women — CEOs, managers, team leaders — who are constantly questioning themselves. The pattern is striking. No matter how much we achieve, there’s this pervasive feeling that we’re not doing enough, or worse, that WE’RE not enough.
But Why?
Here’s where I get stuck. Why do we, as women, so often fall into this trap? What is it about leadership, or maybe about being a woman in leadership, that makes self-judgment such a common experience? I’ve read books, listened to podcasts, and spoken with experts, but I still feel like I’m searching for answers.
Is it the way society raises us, to be perfect, polite, and pleasing? Is it the impossible standards we set for ourselves or that the world places on our shoulders? Maybe it’s the fact that we still don’t see enough women in leadership positions, which leaves us feeling like we don’t belong, no matter how qualified we are. Or perhaps it’s a mix of all these things. The “why” feels complex, and I’m not sure I’ve cracked the code yet.
What Self-Judgment Looks Like for Me as A Woman In Leadership
A few months ago, I was preparing for a presentation on leadership and personal growth. I had done the work, created the slides, and practiced my delivery. But the night before the event, I started spiraling. “What if it’s not good enough? What if people don’t find it valuable? What if they think I don’t know what I’m talking about?”
It was exhausting — mentally and emotionally. The self-judgment didn’t just make me nervous; it made me question the very foundation of my expertise. And the worst part? It was all in my head. The presentation went very well. People responded positively, and I received encouraging feedback. But the self-judgment still lingered afterward, whispering that maybe it was just luck or that people were being polite.
Does this sound familiar to you too?
The Impact of Self-Judgement on Women in Leadership
I often wonder how self-judgment impacts my leadership. When I’m caught up in my own doubts, I become less confident in my decisions. I hesitate to take risks, even when I know deep down that a bold move might be exactly what’s needed. Sometimes I find myself holding back in meetings, not fully owning my ideas, or downplaying my contributions because I’m afraid of how they’ll be perceived.
And I see this in other women leaders too. Self-judgment keeps us playing small. We shrink in situations where we should be stepping up. We avoid putting ourselves forward for new opportunities or hesitate to ask for the support we need. We become our own biggest critics, which, in turn, can make us less effective as leaders.
As women, we’ve learned to be caretakers, to think about how others feel, and to make sure everyone’s okay. But that often means we’re not as kind to ourselves. We internalise mistakes or shortcomings and let them fester into bigger insecurities. And here’s the kicker — nobody else is as hard on us as we are on ourselves.

What Can We Do About It?
I wish I had a neat answer for how to silence self-judgment. I don’t. What I do know is that the first step is acknowledging that it’s there and that it’s something many of us struggle with. Sometimes, just knowing that I’m not the only one going through this helps me feel a little less isolated.
But beyond that, I’ve started trying a few things. They’re not foolproof, but they help me keep the voice of self-judgment in check —at least for a little while.
1. Self-Compassion
I used to think that being hard on myself was just part of being driven or ambitious. But I’ve learned that self-compassion is crucial, especially when you’re in a leadership position. It means giving yourself the same grace and understanding that you would offer a friend or colleague. When I mess up, instead of berating myself, I try to take a step back and ask, “What would I say to someone else in this situation?” Usually, I’d be far kinder and more understanding to them than I would be to myself. It’s a practice, and it’s not always easy, but it’s necessary.
2. Reframing Negative Thoughts
I’ve also started working on reframing my negative thoughts. When that voice of self-judgment kicks in, I try to pause and challenge it. “Is this thought really true? What evidence do I have to support this?” More often than not, I realise that the story I’m telling myself isn’t based on reality. It’s just fear or insecurity talking. Once I see that, it becomes a little easier to move past it.
3. Seeking Support
One of the best ways I’ve found to combat self-judgment is by talking about it with other women leaders. There’s something incredibly powerful about sharing your doubts and realising that others feel the same way. It creates a sense of solidarity and reminds me that I’m not alone. I’ve also worked extensively with my coach who helps me put things into perspective.
4. Focusing on Growth, Not Perfection
I’m learning to focus more on growth rather than perfection. Leadership is a journey, and I’m constantly evolving. If I make mistakes, that doesn’t mean I’m not good enough. It just means I’m human. Each setback or challenge is an opportunity to learn something new and become a better leader. This shift in perspective has helped me let go of the need to be perfect all the time.
5. This is what made the difference for me
Forgiving myself. When I make mistakes, when I realise I’m judging or labelling myself. My coach taught me how to practice this incredibly powerful technique. It’s a game-changer for me. People used to tell me: “Don’t be so hard on yourself”. And when I ask, “Well, how do I do that?”, no one could answer me. This practice, which Byron Katie calls “Compassionate Self-Forgiveness”, has been a game changer for me.
What do YOU think?
So, that’s where I am right now — still learning, still figuring it out. I wanted to write this post not because I have all the answers, but because I’m curious to hear from you. How does self-judgment show up in your life? Have you found any strategies that help you manage it? What role do you think it plays in our leadership journeys as women?
I believe that by talking about this openly, we can start to dismantle the hold self-judgment has on us. If we can learn to support each other and be kinder to ourselves, we’ll become not only better leaders but also happier, more fulfilled individuals.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and advice. Let’s keep this conversation going because I think it’s one worth having.
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Written by Magriet Mouton, Director at the Being Human Group
Magriet is a Gallup Global Strengths Coach and facilitator for Gallup’s Global Strengths Coaching Certification. Her Top 5 CliftonStrengths are Individualization, Learner, Belief, Connectedness and Maximizer.
The Being Human Group is a Gallup Strategic Licensee.